The Waste of Space Awards: March

Greetings, Internet disciples,

After what seems like an unnecessarily long absence due to a severe lack of blogworthy events, it is time to return once again to that monthly barrage of incompetence that is the Waste of Space Awards. This month has seen several individuals and groups make fools of their collective selves once again, and their valued efforts are finally rewarded with this prestigious honour. Let us proceeed with our Honourable Mentions for this month of March, 2007:

HONOURABLE MENTIONS

THE ROYAL NAVY

Despite their own insistence that they were definitely not in Iranian waters at the time that fifteen of their servicemen were captured by Iranian forces, it is becoming increasingly clear that no one (except, curiously, the British and American governments) believes that they are telling the truth. Congratulations to the Royal Navy for committing an offence, getting caught, lying about it and then being ridiculed when their story falls apart. It's a shame that their almost wilful incompetence couldn't give them the top honours for this month.

TEENS-4-CHRIST

Although, technically, this website hasn't done an awful lot in the way of idiocy this month, the fact that this - perhaps the most odious message board on the Internet - still exists is a testament to that long-upheld Internet right of "freedom to spout moronic, distasteful, offensive bile." The reason this site gets an Honourable Mention is because I discovered it this month. Among the snippets of horrendous bigotry is the subforum of the site entitled "Cults," which is dedicated to the discussion of "cults and false religions," among which examples such as Islam, Mormonism and even Catholicism are given. Apparently the administrator of this website has a very narrow interpretation of what being "for Christ" actually is.

Love thy neighbour, anyone?

HONDA RACING

As if the irony of a three-miles-to-the-gallon racing car painted with a map of the world to "raise awareness" about climate change wasn't enough, the Honda Formula One team have gone one step further in this month's season-opening race in Australia, by being outqualified and outraced by their sister team, Super Aguri. This would not be so bad, except for two reasons. Firstly, the works Honda team's current car cost about $300 million to design and build. Secondly, Super Aguri are using last year's Honda car. In other words, the Japanese manufacturer has spend $300 million on making a car go slower. Congratulations, guys.

GORDON BROWN

Everyone's favourite dour Scotsman this month managed to make the tax system even fairer than it already is, by giving his rich friends and those in big business a nice, hefty tax cut, while making the rest of us pay even more to subsidise their 4x4s and long-haul holidays. Thanks a lot, Mr. Brown. I for one can't wait until he's Prime Minister, so that we can put someone with a little more common sense in charge of the Treasury.

As impressive as these entries have been, they in no way compare to our winner for this month. Congratulations to all of them, but even greater congratulations to our winner this month:

THE WINNER:

ARRIVA BUSES

Let us refer to the testimony of my Virtual Friend Leanne Sowter for this one, in an email she sent to me earlier this month:

"From what I can gather the Arriva handbook focuses around the following aspects:

1. Inconsiderate drivers in need of an etiquette lesson
2. Buses verging on celebrating their 20th birthdays
3. Dirt, filth and a general ignorance of all sorts of litter
4. Lateness. Every single day. Regardless of time. Just pure lateness.
5. Breaking down and forcing people, such as my good self, to walk the three miles into the town centre without so much as an apology or a refund
6. An increase in fares twice over the last year, making several people wonder what exactly it is we're paying extra for, because there sure as Hell haven't been any improvements in the service."

Leanne has, as far as I know, begun a "campaign of hate" entitled "Operation: Arriva Must Die" in response to this shoddy service. Good luck to her!

An Arriva bus, presumably shortly before it was destroyed by an angry Derbyshire teenager.

So, another month rolls by and the staggering incompetence of the people with which we share this planet just keeps growing and growing. The only solution, I find, is to laugh at them. The Waste of Space Award, we dearly hope, accomplishes just that.

Revolutionary and moronic regards,

Red Andy: Official Supporter of Operation: Arriva Must Die