Greetings, Internet randomers,
Okay, so I lied in the title. My place of work hasn't really been that exciting at all. But, in the notable absence of anything else to talk about, I thought I'd share with you all an anecdote or two about my place of work.
Since the store was refitted last year, there has been a large Portakabin out the back, which has served the wonderful dual purpose of storing lots of beer and being a great place to sit around and do nothing in those frequent periods when there is sod all to do. Unfortunately one of the neighbours doesn't like looking out of his bedroom window to the sight of a hulking great industrial storage container, and has written to the council to complain about it, which is what all old people do. Being the good people they are, the council have kindly demanded that we remove our Portakabin as soon as possible.
I am in the process of writing to the gentleman who has decided to complain about the Portakabin. "Dear Sir," I would begin, "I am writing to inform you that when I stand inside my Portakabin, I can see your bedroom window. Frankly, it is an eyesore and I would like it to be removed...." I would then forward this letter to the council, explaining that the bedroom window was a monstrosity and impinged upon my right to a decent view while working. I have a sneaking suspicion, however, that such an action might get me shitcanned.
Anyway, the order to remove the Portakabin came around Christmas, and as of March nothing has been done about it. However, Claire told me today that the powers-that-be were intending to move all of the stock into our pretty tiny store room fairly soon.
"Can you let me know when they are planning to do that?" I asked. "Only I have a feeling I might be ill that week."
Claire also explained to me that the removal of the Portakabin was the reason for shuffling around the store room at the back of the shop, so it would at least look like there was more room for the mountains and mountains of beer we have to hold at any given time (just-in-time stocking system, my arse). I believe the original idea was to make the store room look slightly less like a delivery van had driven through the wall and then exploded. However, the considered opinion is that it still looks like a delivery van-explosion; it's now just a different kind of delivery van-explosion.
You will all be pleased to know that SPAR Live is still blaring out the same songs over and over again, despite the promise of a "No-Repeat Work Day!" which is itself repeated in a tiresomely ironic fashion. The highlight of today's audial entertainment, however, came about in an advert for SPAR Super Great And Incredibly Super Honey.
"Honey," the voiceover assured us, "is a great substitute for sugar in tea, and it really helps to soothe a sore throat!"
What? What? Now, I'll admit that I'm no expert on tea - the British Empire was built on cups of tea, which is more than enough of a reason to avoid it altogether - but even I know that you don't put honey in it. That would just be cretinous. Furthermore, I am highly sceptical of the use of honey as a painkiller.
But then, I'm highly sceptical of "alternative" medical treatments anyway - that is, to me they appear only to be an "alternative" to the sort of medical treatments that make you better. Call me old-fashioned, but I really don't think it is wise to trust a man with no medical qualifications armed with a needle, particularly when he works for a shop with such a grammatically nightmarish name as "Dr & Herbs." Nor is it wise to trust a voiceover when she tells you that honey is better than ibuprofen.
That said, it did give me some entertainment today, which is more than can be said for the Saga of the Soon-to-be-Disappearing Portakabin (expect a DVD release around September for that thriller). And I hope it did for some of you, too.
Revolutionary and medicinal regards,
Red Andy
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