Bah, Humbug

Greetings, Internet Scrooges,

Yes, it's that time of year again. I suppose some of you won't be Internet Scrooges and will actually be looking forward to the fact that the most emotionally draining and tiresome festival of the year will soon be upon us. The Advent Calendar (supplied by the lovely Sian) on my wall has already been broken into - a sure sign that Christ's Mess is upon us once again.

I have never understood why so many usually rational people get so excited at the prospect of Christmas. We all spend vast sums of money, give up hours and hours of our time to wander around crowded shopping centres, squinting at price tags, standing in queues and wondering how we're really going to afford all of this, and sit around in the living rooms of various distant relatives, drinking the cornershop piss they call "Chardonnay" and explaining for the fortieth time in the last twelve hours exactly why it is that we have decided not to pursue a career in medicine. Not only that, but we have to put up with that GOD-AWFUL song by Slade being played, twenty-four hours a day, on every television and radio station, for the two months preceding the holiday itself. And there are all those horrific decorations that the neighbours insist on putting up while the rest of us are still clearing away the detritus from last Christmas.

In fact, about the only positive side to Christmas is the vast amounts of food. And the excuse to get horribly drunk on Christmas Eve and open all of your presents the following morning with a hangover the size of a small African nation. But with that aside, we can all look forward to another few weeks of unbearable family, ridiculous hats and extremely forced photogenic smiles before the New Year. Now that's a pointless holiday.

And for those of you who are about to comment, "Lighten up, it's Christmas" ....

IT'S NOT CHRISTMAS FOR ANOTHER THREE WEEKS!

Revolutionary and increasingly frustrated regards,

Red Andy

NOTE: I am well aware of the irony of ranting about the increasingly early nature of Christmas, so long before Christmas. Just in case any of you "smarter-than-thou" types thought you would point it out to me.